Technology Doesn't Last Forever...
by Invisible Sun
Summary: FINALLY COMPLETE!! ...What happens when it begins to fail? (S/B)
1. Part 1

Technology Doesn't Last Forever  
by Invisible Sun  
  
Summary: What happens when it begins to falter? (B/S)  
  
  
  
The full moon shone down upon the streets and cemeteries of   
Sunnydale, home of the 'boco del inferno,' the Hellmouth.   
The home of demons of the many varieties, vampires, and the   
Slayer. Buffy Summers. The seemingly immortal Slayer.   
The one who died twice and came back twice. The one feared   
by all things evil.  
  
Well, almost all things evil. One vampire didn't fear her.   
Rather, he loved her. His appearance was quite appealing.   
Startling blue eyes, beautiful chiseled cheekbones, hair   
unnaturally blond. He was graceful as he moved. Swift.   
Quiet. Like a predator. A predator with a long billowing   
duster floating behind him as he walked. He went by many   
names. Big Bad, Deadboy Jr., the undead English Patient,   
Hostile 17, William the Bloody, but he preferred Spike.  
  
Spike was different from most vampires right from the very   
beginning. He seemed more human than most vampires. Smarter,   
more cunning, too. He was the slayer of two Slayers. One   
in China during the Boxer Rebellion and another in a subway   
in New York City. He was lethal. Feared. The Scourge of   
Europe. That all changed, however, three years ago. Our   
William the Bloody was an unfortunate guinea pig for a   
government experiment. Deeply embedded in his cerebral   
cortex laid a tiny bundle of wires and microprocessors.   
A chip. A nifty little mechanism that sent out a nasty   
shock whenever he tried to hurt a human. The chip rendered   
him virtually incapable of defending himself against humans.   
Harmless.  
  
The chip aided Spike in his growth as a person. Desperate   
to kill something, anything, as a means of releasing pent-up   
anger, he joined the self-titled Scooby Gang. He then found   
himself in love with the killer of his kind, Buffy, and he   
grew to adore her little sister, Dawn. It seemed like he   
found his new place in the world. But technology doesn't   
last forever. And that chip, that catalyst for the changes   
he made in his unlife, is reaching its termination date.   
What's to become of Spike?  
  
  
  
"Hyah!"  
  
Buffy kicked the vampire, sending him flying into the wall   
of the mausoleum. He fell down to the ground, with a loud   
thud.   
  
Spike watched the scene unfold before him, concealed in the   
bushes, as the vamp lunged at Buffy again, only to be, once   
again, effortlessly tossed aside. Spike smirked in approval.   
This vamp won't be seeing the end of this fight. And he   
didn't. Spike smiled as he watched the whelp disintegrate   
into a big pile of dust as Buffy's stake entered his chest,   
piercing his heart. He watched her get real quiet and   
concentrate.  
  
"I know you're out there. You might as well come out,"   
she said, her back still turned to Spike.   
  
He sighed and thought about staying where he was but decided   
against it. If he didn't come out, she'd come get him anyway.   
So Spike stepped out from behind the bushes and approached   
her from behind. She twirled around, stake up, ready for   
the possible assault.  
  
Upon seeing Spike, she dropped her weapon hand and looked   
at him. "Oh, just you."  
  
He smirked.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she paused. "You were following   
me, weren't you"  
  
Spike scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself, Slayer," he responded.   
He spoke with a British accent, finally beginning to fade   
after the years.  
  
"Then what *are* you doing?" she demanded.  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, I live here," he said, pointing   
to his crypt off to the right.  
  
Buffy was at a lost as to how to respond. He was right.   
Off to the side, laid his crypt. "Oh."  
  
Spike grinned. He loved it when he was right.  
  
"Well, what are you doing out here instead of in there?"   
she asked, mostly out of desperation for a comeback.  
  
He chuckled. "Is that the best you can do, Slayer?"  
  
She glared at him. She's so beautiful when she's angry,   
Spike thought. Suddenly his head began to pound. He   
tried to stifle a groan as he rubbed his forehead with   
his hand.   
  
Buffy regarded him. "What's wrong with you?"  
  
He decided to play it cool. "Your pathetic excuse for a   
comeback is giving me a headache."  
  
She glared at him again. He started for his crypt, hand   
still rubbing his forehead. "See you later."  
  
  
  
Spike stumbled into his crypt, the intense pain in his head   
too much. He collapsed into his ratty old chair. This wasn't   
the first time he experienced unexplained headaches, or   
migraines, rather. But this was the most intense he felt yet.   
He needed to dull the pain. He reached for a bottle of whiskey   
beside his chair and began to do just that.   
  
  
  
Slowly, very slowly, Spike opened his eyes. He was still   
in his chair, clutching an empty bottle of bourbon. His head   
still hurt. However he was at a lost as to if it was from   
last night or his morning hangover. He groaned and tilted   
his head to the side. He tried to will himself to lose   
consciousness again. He didn't know if he could stand this   
pain. It was too much.  
  
Slowly, very slowly, unconsciousness claimed him again.  
  
  
  
The sun had long set over the horizon before Spike opened   
his eyes again. His headache had diminished somewhat.   
It wasn't nearly as intense as it was earlier. He sighed   
in relief. He didn't think he would have been able to deal   
with the pain any longer. Maybe I should tell the Scoobies.   
Maybe they'll know what's wrong with me, he thought. He   
couldn't help but think it had something to do with the   
bloody chip shoved into his brain. Like they'd help me.   
They'd just prefer to watch me suffer..., he continued to   
think. He shrugged and got up. Even if they won't help   
him, he saw no reason not to go out and patrol the streets.   
Maybe he'll come across Buffy...  
  
  
  
Our vampire liked to patrol the streets and alleyways of   
Sunnydale, ridding the town of any baddies he can find. It   
made him feel useful, even if he didn't get the proper   
gratitude for his contribution to the protection of the   
innocent unknowing civilians. Though he liked to pretend it   
didn't bother him, deep down inside, past that cold exterior,   
it did. He felt he wasn't appreciated. He didn't like to   
admit it, but it hurt. He didn't know what he had to do to   
earn their respect. Everything he had down so far hasn't   
worked... He sighed, deciding it was too much for him to   
think about right now. His head still throbbed slightly.  
  
He was heading for the magic shop. Spike knew the Scoobies   
would be there. They always were. As he rounded the street   
corner, he heard sounds of a struggle. Looks like I found   
Buffy. he thought as he heard her yells and grunts.  
  
He watched her fight with a gang of three vamps. Nothing   
she couldn't handle. So Spike just watched. Buffy wouldn't   
like it if he joined in. And he didn't quite fancy getting   
punched in the nose or possibly staked through the heart.   
So he watched.  
  
Buffy handled the vamps easily, gracefully. Except for the   
one sneaking up from behind, ready to deliver the deathblow.   
  
Bugger. Can't just sit back and watch him kill her. Spike   
decided to intervene. He reached into his duster pocket and   
pulled out a stake. The vamp now had Buffy in his grip and   
was ready to sink his fangs into her. Spike quickly dusted   
him before he could. Buffy looked to see who had saved her.   
Seeing Spike, she glared at him and stormed off in the   
direction of the nearby Magic Shop. Spike, confused by her   
severe lack of acknowledgment, followed her.  
  
When to two of them entered the shop, Spike asked, "What   
the hell kind of gratitude is that, pet?"  
  
Buffy looked at him. "Gratitude? For what?"  
  
The Scoobies watched this exchange with mild interest.   
It was nothing they'd never seen before...every night.   
  
Spike sighed, "For saving your life."  
  
Buffy scoffed, "You didn't save my life. I totally had   
that vamp until *you* screwed it up."  
  
"Oh, sure. And let me guess, you had everything planned."   
At her nod, he continued, "And having that vampire sink his   
teeth into you neck was all a part of this plan?"  
  
"Buffy, did some vamp almost...have you?" Willow asked.  
  
The Slayer shook her head, "I was completely on top of   
everything. That is, until my very own shining knight in   
armor had to screw every thing up." She turned to scowl at   
Spike again and noticed that he seemed to be in incredible   
pain.  
  
He was clutching his head in his hands and bent over. He   
groaned.   
  
"Spike?" Buffy asked, "Are you okay?"   
  
He fell to his knees. He managed to gasp out a single word   
before he fell to the floor, unconscious. "Help."  
  
End Part 1 


	2. Part 2

Part 2  
  
Spike woke up thirty minutes later on the couch in the training   
room. For a minute he thought he was alone. But he wasn't.   
He felt a presence. The he smelt her. Buffy. She probably   
got a kick out of it when I passed out, he thought, probably   
here to laugh in my face. He slowly opened his eyes, not   
quite ready to face the onslaught of her laughter.  
  
He saw her, instead, looking solemn, a frown on her face.   
Well, this is different, he thought as he sat up, a little   
too abruptly. His head ached again ad he winced in pain.  
  
"How long has this been happening?" Buffy asked.  
  
"What's it to you, Slayer? Why do you care?"  
  
"Spike." He looked at her and saw something that shocked   
the hell out of him. Genuine concern. For him.  
  
He sighed. "'Bout two weeks."  
  
Buffy's eyes grew wide. "And you didn't tell us?"  
  
He shrugged. "I didn't think it was a big deal."  
  
"You didn't think it was a big deal?!" she asked, shocked.  
  
"I didn't think any of you'd care. I figured you'd all   
laugh or something."  
  
He got to his feet and went to the door.  
  
"Giles wants to ask you a few questions."  
  
Spike nodded and went back into the store. Buffy quickly   
followed suit.  
  
  
  
Spike sat down at the table where there was an empty seat.   
The gang all looked at him.  
  
"Stop look at my like I'm some kind of bloody side-show   
attraction," he growled.  
  
They all turned their heads down. Spike looked at Giles.  
  
"You have a few questions for me?"  
  
Giles nodded, taking off his glasses and cleaning them.  
  
"I understand you've been in this situation for a couple of   
weeks now. My question is, what are we just now finding out   
about this?"  
  
Spike sighed, "Like I told Buffy, I didn't think any of   
you'd care one bit about what was going on with me."  
  
Xander mumbled, "You wouldn't be wrong."  
  
Anya smacked him on the arm.  
  
"Ow! What was that for?" he asked, grabbing his arm in   
pain. She said nothing, just glared at him. Her look   
quieted him down.  
  
Spike began to feel the onslaught of another headache. He   
rubbed his forehead, hoping against hope to ease the pain a   
little.  
  
"Do any of you have any idea what's going on with me?"  
  
Willow spoke up. "Tara and I did a magic detection spell   
and came up with nothing. Whatever's happening to you   
isn't being caused by magic."  
  
Spike nodded, grimacing and grasping his head with two hands.   
"It's the chip, isn't it?"  
  
"That is what we've narrowed it down to, yes," Giles responded.  
  
Spike felt another tremendous bout of pain strike him. He   
gasped.  
  
"Spike, are you okay?" Buffy asked quietly, even though she   
already knew the answer.  
  
"What do you think, you bloody bint?" He turned to Giles,   
"It's killing me, isn't it?"  
  
"I'm not sure. My guess is yes."  
  
Spike nodded, accepting this. He knew deep down that it   
was true.  
  
"So, any idea how long I've got?"  
  
"Could take hours. It could take days, months, maybe even   
years. I don't know."  
  
Spike took this information in and nodded in an accepting   
way. He rose to his feet.  
  
"Well, then. I guess I'll be on my way. Thanks for the help,   
Watcher. Slayer." If one listened carefully, one would have   
noticed the slight pain in his voice as he spoke.  
  
He left the shop, leaving the Scoobies confused and worried.   
Buffy took off after him. She found him in the alley behind   
the shop.  
  
"Slayer," Spike said, acknowledging her presence.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"What can I do for you?"  
  
"How can you be so calm?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
She moved closer to him. "How can you take the news Giles   
told you so calmly?"  
  
Spike shrugged, "I already suspected it. The Watcher just   
confirmed my suspicions ."  
  
"But, Spike, the chip is going to kill you."  
  
Spike laughed bitterly, "You forget, Slayer. I'm already   
dead."  
  
"You know what I mean." Buffy was beginning to get angry.  
  
Spike nodded, "I know. But I've lived long enough. I've   
seen enough for one lifetime, or two."  
  
Buffy was getting desperate. Didn't he see how much she   
didn't want him to die. That she needed him in her life.  
  
"Spike-"  
  
He was hit by another wave of intense pain. Buffy caught   
him before he fell to the ground. He leaned into her,   
waiting for the pain to dissipate.  
  
"God. Why won't it just kill me already?" Spike said,   
gritting his teeth together in agony.  
  
Buffy was shocked to find herself desperately blinking   
back tears. Why did seeing Spike in pain and dying hurting   
her so much?  
  
Spike groaned. Buffy found herself running her hand through   
his soft spiked hair in a loving, comforting manner. She   
was about to lay a kiss on his temple when he jumped up.  
  
"It's gone," he said.  
  
Buffy was reeling. What the hell was going on with her?   
Why did she want to kiss him? Was his being in pain making   
feelings she kept buried so far down she didn't realize she   
had them come out?  
  
"'Night, Slayer. I think I'll head back to my crypt to die   
in peace."  
  
He started to leave but Buffy stopped him with a hand on   
his arm.  
  
"Spike, wait. Stay at my house. If you have to die, you   
don't have to die alone. You don't deserve that. No one   
does."  
  
The vampire looked at her, confused. What was she saying?   
He was tempted to say no, but he saw the look on her face.   
She needed this. So he decided to comply. Besides, he didn't   
really want to go back to his crypt anyway. Too lonely.  
  
"Fine. I'll stay at you place."  
  
Her expression lightened barely. At least this way, she'll   
be able to watch him and help him.  
  
"Lead the way," Spike said.  
  
  
  
On the way home, another migraine hit him. Spike stumbled   
through the door, grasping hold of Buffy blindly as he led   
him to the sofa. He fell onto it face down. He moaned.  
  
"They're getting worse. Oh, God. Just kill me already."  
  
Buffy sat down beside him and, like she did behind the shop,   
brushed back his hair.  
  
The pain exhausted him and he promptly fell asleep. Even   
in slumber, he still looked like he was in pain. Buffy   
leaned down and gently gave him that kiss to the temple   
she tried to give him earlier.  
  
Quietly, she vowed, "I'll help you, Spike. I'm not going   
to let you die."  
  
She closed all the curtains to ensure she wouldn't have a   
dusty Spike on her hands in the morning and went to her   
bedroom quietly so she wouldn't disturb Dawn, Willow and   
Tara who were probably back from the shop and asleep.  
  
She closed her bedroom door and everything came out. The   
fear, the tears. Leaning against the wall, she slid down   
and rested her head against her knees and cried. She finally   
came to a realization. She couldn't lose Spike because,   
somewhere along the way, she fell in love with him...  
  
  
  
Buffy was the first one up in the morning. After taking a   
shower, she went downstairs. Spike was still on the sofa.   
She couldn't tell if he was simply asleep or if the pain   
rendered him unconscious.   
  
Sighing, mostly out of worry, she went into the kitchen.   
She grabbed eggs and bacon out of the refrigerator. She   
pulled a pan out of the cabinet and placed it on the stove.  
  
As she began to spread the bacon across the bottom of the   
pan, Willow walked in, followed closely by Tara.   
  
"Good morning. So, how you guys want your eggs?" Buffy   
asked, smiling.   
  
"Uh, Buffy, why is Spike on the couch?" Willow asked, worry   
seeping into her voice.  
  
"I couldn't let him be by himself when he was in so much pain.   
Besides, if he's going to die, he shouldn't have to do so in   
a dark, cold, lonely crypt."  
  
Willow nodded, accepting. She liked Spike, sometimes even   
ventured so far as to call him a friend.  
  
"Does Dawn know yet?" Tara asked, "We all know how fond she   
is of Spike."  
  
Buffy shook her head, "I haven't told her. She was asleep   
when we came home last night and I didn't want to wake her."   
She sighed, "I don't know how I'm going to tell her because   
I know it's going to break her heart."  
  
Willow rested her hand on Buffy's arm reassuringly, "You'll   
figure it out."  
  
Buffy nodded, "I know I will. I just don't know what I'm   
going to tell myself. I never realized how much his presence   
means to me."  
  
Will smiled slightly.  
  
Dawn walked in with a huge smile on her face. She pointed   
back towards the living room, "So, what's Spike doing out   
there?"  
  
Buffy looked from will to Tara and then to Dawn. She had   
to tell her now.  
  
"Dawn, there's something I need to tell you."  
  
Dawn's smile grew even bigger, if it wasn't already big   
enough. "So, you finally came to your senses and you and   
Spike are together but before you two could do anything, you   
kicked him out of your bedroom?"  
  
Buffy tried to look disgusted, even though the thought didn't   
disgust her as much as it probably would have a while back.   
In fact, she wished that were the case. "What? No! Please!"  
  
Dawn's smile faded slightly and she sat on one of the stools   
around the island. "Okay, Buffy. What is it?"  
  
Buffy sighed. This was going to break Dawn's heart. "Dawn,   
Spike's chip-"  
  
She was interrupted by a loud moan coming from the living   
room. Spike was awake and in pain. Buffy rushed in to help,   
leaving the others behind.  
  
She found him leaning back against the back on the sofa,   
holding his head in pain.  
  
"Spike."  
  
He let out another gasp of pain. She sat beside him and   
tried to soothe the pain away as best as she possibly could.   
The pain passed quickly and Buffy helped Spike to his feet.  
  
He felt weak and dizzy and lost his balance, causing Buffy   
to catch him before he fell to the floor.  
  
"Come on. Let's get you upstairs."  
  
Spike nodded mutely and leaned against her as they went up   
the staircase. She took him to her bedroom. She helped him   
shed his duster before laying him down on her bed. She then   
helped him remove his boots, to make him more comfortable.  
  
"Why are you doing this, Slayer?" he asked her weakly, his   
eyes closed.  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
"This," he motioned around him, "Helping me. Thought you'd   
be happy to see me suffering."  
  
Buffy sighed and sat down on the bed beside him. The   
situation reminded her of last night. She found herself,   
once again, brushing the hair back on his forehead. She   
decided to be straightforward with him.  
  
"I have absolutely no clue. You're right though, I *should*   
be happy to see you suffering, but I'm not. I hate the idea   
of you being in pain and dying. And I hate how you've   
accepted your fate so easily."  
  
"Because I know it's no use. It's going to win anyway," he   
said, opening his eyes and looking at her. Buffy wasn't   
sure, but she swore she saw a few tears threatening to fall.  
  
"If you won't fight, I will. No one's dying on my watch."  
  
He smiled slightly. There's his Buffy. He was shocked   
when she leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"Now, I'm going to drop by your crypt and grab a few things   
for you. Anything you want in particular?"  
  
He thought for a second. "There's one thing. A journal on   
the coffin. Could you get that for me?"  
  
She nodded. "Sure. I'll be back shortly with a journal   
and some blood. Right now, you rest."  
  
She left him quietly and went downstairs. There, she was   
confronted by Dawn.  
  
"So, what's wrong with him?"  
  
  
  
Buffy walked the streets, heading for Spike's crypt. She   
was surprised at how well Dawn seemed to take the news of   
Spike and his chip. Of course, she may have been putting   
on an act for her sake, waiting to be alone before crying   
her eyes out.  
  
She was startled out of her thoughts by a voice behind her,   
calling her name. She turned around.  
  
"Oh, my God. Riley?"  
  
End Part 2 


	3. Part 3

Part 3  
  
  
  
"Oh, my God. Riley? Is that really you?"  
  
Riley smiled, "One and the same."  
  
Buffy's mind was in high gear. What was he doing back?   
*Why* was he back? What did he want from her? Did he   
honestly think they could pick up where they left off? She's   
changed. A lot's changed. She's not the same girl she was   
before he left. She died. He left. So much has happened   
between then and now. She was startled out of her reverie   
when she felt him surround her in his tight embrace. She   
returned the hug half-heartedly. She didn't need this. Not   
now. Hell, not ever.  
  
Pulling away, she asked, "What are you doing here? I thought   
you were in Belize or wherever."  
  
Riley nodded, "I was, but my squad's been called to Sunnydale   
to check up on some old business."  
  
"And what 'old business' would that be?"  
  
Riley smirked, "I can't tell you. It's classified."  
  
"Of course. Silly me for forgetting the government and their   
pesky classifications." Not even five minutes and Buffy was   
already annoyed.  
  
Riley seemed to sense this. "Buffy, you'd know I'd tell you   
if I could."  
  
She held up a hand. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just not myself   
today. Too many things going on." Like Spike dying, she thought.  
  
"Like what?" Riley asked, concerned about her life. The   
life he left nearly two years ago. He didn't have the right   
to implant himself back into her life.  
  
"Nothing too important." Why is he still here? Why won't   
he leave me alone already? Doesn't he see that I don't want   
to deal with him right now? she thought before saying, "Riley,   
can we talk later? Meet somewhere, catch up? I can't talk   
right now. I have something that I need to do."  
  
Riley nodded, "Sure. Where do you suggest?"  
  
"The coffee place on Queen?"  
  
"Okay. Meet you there around six?"  
  
Buffy nodded, "Six it is."  
  
Riley smiled and embraced her again. "It's so good to see   
you again."  
  
She smiled thinly and Riley left her alone. Finally. She   
let out a huge sigh. Too much. All of this is too much.   
She couldn't deal with the Riley situation right now. Spike   
was at the top of her priority list. She took a breath and   
continued her trip to Spike's crypt.  
  
  
  
Buffy entered her house through the kitchen door with a large   
duffel bag containing several of Spike's belongings, as well   
as several packs of blood. She was met by Dawn who was   
rummaging through the refrigerator, looking for a snack.  
  
"How's Spike?" Buffy asked, setting the duffel on one of the   
stools.  
  
Dawn closed the fridge door to look at her sister, concern   
in her eyes, "He's sleeping right now. Had another one of   
those attacks about five minutes after you left. It only   
lasted about two minutes but it took a lot out of him. Been   
sleeping ever since."  
  
Buffy nodded, getting a mug out of a cabinet and pouring in   
the contents of one of the many packs she picked up. "Well,   
maybe eating some blood will help him a little. Could you   
put the rest in the refrigerator?"  
  
"Sure," Dawn replied, grabbing the rest of the blood packs   
from the duffel bag as Buffy placed the mug in the microwave.   
She put it on for a couple of minutes.  
  
"Spike's not going to die, is he?" Dawn asked, fear seeping   
into her voice.  
  
Buffy turned to face her little sister, a determined look   
on her face. "He's not going to die. Not if I have anything   
to say about it."  
  
Dawn nodded and the timer went off. Buffy got the blood out   
of the microwave and headed upstairs.   
  
She found Spike asleep. She sat down on the bed. Spike's   
eyes fluttered open. He could smell the blood.  
  
"Hey," Buffy said.  
  
He slowly sat up, leaning against the headboard. Buffy   
handed him the mug, which he gratefully accepted. She   
watched him as he downed the thick liquid in one gulp.   
Spike felt her staring. He set the mug down on the bedside   
table and look at the woman he loved with all his undead   
heart.  
  
"Pet, what's wrong?" he asked.  
  
She shook her heard, "Nothing."  
  
Spike studied her face. Something was wrong.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
She sighed. It was no use lying to him. He could see right   
through her.  
  
"I was going to your crypt and I ran into someone I never   
thought I'd see again."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Riley?"  
  
"Captain Cardboard?!"  
  
"Spike," she warned.  
  
He held up his hands, "Sorry. What's he doing back in town?"  
  
Buffy shrugged, "I don't know. Yet. I promised him we could   
play catch up later this evening. He's meeting me at six."  
  
"Are you two going to get back together?" Spike asked, a touch   
of fear and jealousy in his voice.  
  
"I'm not the same person I was last year. So much has   
happened. Mom died. I died. I came back... If he's back   
looking to pick up right where we left off, he's in for a   
surprise."  
  
Spike nodded, calmly, all the while cheering in his mind.   
He didn't want her to go back the Whitebread.   
  
Buffy smiled, "You seem to be doing better."  
  
"Oh, you know. A little rest and a cup of blood can do   
wonders," he grinned. He loved seeing her smile.  
  
"You wanna come downstairs for a while? Hang out?"  
  
Spike nodded, "Sure. I'm tired of being cooped up in this   
room anyway. A manly man such as myself can only take so   
much flowers and whatnot."  
  
"Whatever," she said, laughing, helping him to his feet and   
together, they went downstairs.  
  
  
  
Dawn, Willow, and Tara all looked up from their positions on   
the sofa as Spike and Buffy came down the stairs.  
  
"Hey, look who's up and about. How are you feeling?" Willow   
asked, grinning.  
  
"Better. Now, move over girls, Passions is on," Spike said,  
bounding for the sofa, a grin on his face.  
  
The girls gave him room as he squeezed in beside Dawn and   
Willow. He flipped the channel from the documentary about   
Woodstock they were watching on the History Channel to his   
favorite, must-watch soap on NBC.  
  
"Now, this is TV," Spike said, settling in, "Not those boring   
documentaries. 'Sides, I was actually at Woodstock. Wasn't   
all that interesting."  
  
The girls laughed, Buffy included.  
  
  
  
Six o'clock came by way too fast for Buffy's liking and she   
made her way to the coffee shop she told Riley she'd meet him.   
She didn't want to be there. She wanted to be home with her   
sister and friends. And Spike. He hadn't had an attack for   
hours and Buffy couldn't help but be insanely happy about it.   
Maybe they were wrong about the chip. Maybe it wasn't   
malfunctioning and killing him. Maybe it was just a fluke...  
  
She spotted Riley quickly when she entered the shop. She went   
over to him, a fake smile on her face.  
  
"Riley."  
  
He stood up and hugged her again.   
  
"Buffy. I was afraid you weren't going to show up."  
  
"Why wouldn't I? I'm the one who told you to meet me here."  
  
"I know. I don't know what I was thinking," he said as he   
released his hold on her.  
  
They both sat down at the table.  
  
"So, how are you?" Riley asked, taking her hands into his.  
  
"I'm fine. Great, even," she lied smoothly, quietly wishing   
he would remove his hands from hers.  
  
"Great," Riley smiled, "And Dawn?"  
  
"Her, too."  
  
"And your mom?"  
  
Buffy looked down at the table, "Mom died."  
  
"Oh, my God. When?" Riley asked, absolutely horrified.  
  
"Not long after you left."  
  
"Oh, Buffy, I am so sorry. If I'd known..."  
  
"I know," Buffy whispered. And she believed him. If he did   
know, he would have stayed or come home or whatever.  
  
"Was it a demon? Vampire?"  
  
Buffy shook her head, "It was natural causes. The doctor   
said it was an aneurysm. He said she didn't feel any pain..."  
  
Riley lifted her hands to his lips and kissed them lovingly,   
comfortingly.  
  
Buffy cleared her throat, "And you? How have you been?"  
  
"Good. I've missed you, though."  
  
Their eyes met, his full of love and hers of fear.  
  
"I love you, Buffy," he continued.  
  
Buffy returned her gaze to the table top, "I know."  
  
"But you don't love me," Riley said, letting go of her hands.  
  
"Riley..."  
  
"I know. So, what's been happening in good ol' Sunnydale?"  
  
She cleared her throat and told him everything....except she   
paid close attention to edit out any Spike parts he might not   
like...  
  
  
  
"Wow. You died?" Riley asked, never expecting to hear that   
in a million years.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"And Willow brought you back?"  
  
She nodded again.  
  
"Wow."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"So-"  
  
They were interrupted by the ringing of Buffy's cell phone.   
She pulled it out of her purse.  
  
Looking at Riley, she mumbled an apology before answering.  
  
"Hello?" She said into the phone.  
  
Beat.  
  
"Dawn, slow down."  
  
She listened as her sister explained the situation.  
  
"Okay, I'll be right there."  
  
She hung up her phone. "I-I have to go, sorry."  
  
"Hey, it's okay. I understand. Is...is there anything I can   
do to help?"  
  
She shook her head. "No. This is something I need to do on   
my own."  
  
Riley reluctantly gave in. To him, it seemed like all Buffy   
wanted was to get away from. And fast. He decided he should   
talk to her about it. By not now. Later.  
  
"I'll make this up to you. I promise," Buffy said.  
  
"Buffy, it's okay. Really. I understand."  
  
She nodded, said her good-byes and left quickly.  
  
Alone, Riley settled down in his seat. Sighing, he said to   
the person behind him, "What can I do for you?"  
  
The man to whom he was speaking took the seat previously   
occupied by Buffy.  
  
"She left in a hurry," Graham said.  
  
Riley groaned, "Did you stop by to tell me that or is there   
something else?"  
  
Graham leaned in, to ensure passers-by didn't hear him, "The   
Major just got in touch with me. Our... old business seems   
to have taken care of itself. It's taken affect a lot faster   
than we originally anticipated."  
  
"Any idea when it will be finished?"  
  
Graham shrugged, "He's not sure but soon."  
  
  
  
Buffy ran into the front door and into the living room.   
There, she found the three girls hovering around Spike, who   
seemed to be in tremendous pain.  
  
"How is he?" Buffy asked, rushing to his side.  
  
Spike curled himself into fetal position, grasping his head   
and moaning loudly. And suddenly, the pain stopped. He slowly   
uncurled himself and sat up.  
  
"You okay?" Buffy asked.  
  
He nodded slowly, "Yeah, I think so."  
  
Buffy helped him to his feet. He was wobbly, unsteady. He   
kept her hands around his waist and he kept his hands on her   
shoulders.  
  
"Maybe you should rest?" Tara suggested.  
  
Spike nodded, "Yeah, maybe I'll do that."  
  
Buffy began to lead him to the staircase when he grasped his   
head again. His legs collapsed beneath him and Buffy's strong   
grip kept him from falling.  
  
"Spike!" Dawn exclaimed, scared of what he was going through.  
  
Spike took a huge breath, the pain now gone. "Buffy."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I can't feel my legs," he said in a weak, terrified voice.  
  
  
  
End Part 3 


	4. Part 4

Part 4  
  
"I can't feel my legs. Why can't I feel my legs?" Spike   
asked desperately.  
  
Buffy looked at the others, begging for help. No one knew   
what to tell him.  
  
"Spike, it'll be okay," Will said in what she hoped was a   
comforting manner.  
  
But Spike was panicking. He didn't like to feel so weak and   
vulnerable. He hated it.  
  
"No, it's not okay. Why can't I feel my bloody legs?!"  
  
Buffy half-carried, half-dragged him to the sofa, where she   
laid him down. He looked at her with frightened eyes. As   
calmly as she could, she took his head in her hands and looked   
into his fear-filled eyes.  
  
"Spike. We don't know why you can't feel your legs. But I   
promise you, I will do everything in my power to get to the   
bottom of this. Okay?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Good. Now rest."  
  
He acquiesced and obediently shut his eyes and fell asleep.  
  
"Why is the chip doing that to him?" Dawn asked, tears   
streaking her face.  
  
  
  
It was morning now. The Scoobies were all meeting at Buffy's   
house to discuss the situation with Spike. As each member   
came, Buffy told them to go to the dining room, in the hopes   
as to not disturb Spike and his much needed sleep.  
  
"Did Dawn get off to school okay?" Xander asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah. She didn't want to. Wanted to stay here and help   
Spike but I managed to talk her into it," Buffy replied.  
  
"How is Spike doing?" Giles asked.  
  
"He's paralyzed from the waist down," Buffy said bluntly.  
  
"Dear Lord. How did this happen?"  
  
"He had another attack last night and then suddenly he couldn't   
move his legs," she looked at her Watcher, "Giles, I've never   
seen him so terrified in my life."  
  
"Why did the chip doing this? I mean, why hurt and kill him   
because it's malfunctioning?" Anya asked.  
  
Giles took his glasses off and cleaned them, clearing his   
throat, "Well, we know the chip was created by the government   
as a method of controlling him." The Scoobies nodded; they   
knew this. Giles continued, "We should have been prepared for   
this. Technology isn't built to last forever. Sooner or later,   
it's going to malfunction. Especially *this *technology. I   
don't think it was built for this kind of long term use. It   
only makes sense that since the chip was made for controlling   
Spike, when it malfunctions, it destroys him in the process."  
  
"But, why kill him slowly? Why not immediately?" Will asked.  
  
Giles shrugged, "I have no answer to that."  
  
"So, before the chips kills him, it has to make him weak and   
vulnerable. Make him feel like his victims must have felt,"   
Buffy said quietly to herself. She wasn't talking to anyone.   
Just trying to formulate ideas and opinions to herself. She   
didn't realize she said anything out loud.  
  
"That's a good a guess as any," Giles told her.  
  
"How can anyone be so cruel?" she continued to say to herself.   
She looked at the Scoobies, "So, we can expect this to get   
worse, right?"  
  
"Yes, I believe so," Giles said.  
  
Buffy nodded and got up, "Well, I guess the only thing we   
can do is make him as comfortable as we can."  
  
She left the dining room for the kitchen. She opened a blood   
pack she got out of the refrigerator and poured it into a   
clean mug. She placed it in the microwave and set the timer.   
This was a process she was getting strangely use to and familiar   
with.  
  
"How are you doing?" Giles asked behind her.  
  
She turned around, startled.  
  
"Sorry," Giles said.  
  
"It's okay. How am I doing? Fine. Just great."  
  
"Buffy-" Giles saw straight through her lie.  
  
She sighed, "Honestly? I never thought I'd say this in a   
million years, but I don't want him to die. I like having   
him around. And he helps me a lot with the patrolling. And   
he helps me protect Dawn. And no one deserves to die like   
that. Doesn't matter how much evil he's done in the past."  
  
"You love him, don't you?"  
  
Buffy tried to look disgusted, "What?! No! God, no! I'm   
just saying he's been a great help and I even like to consider   
him a friend. But that's all." Her disgusted look failed to   
last and she found herself admitting the truth to her Watcher,   
"Alright. I love him. Okay?"  
  
Giles nodded, not pushing any further. "We'll figure out a   
way to save him. We'll fight this."  
  
"Thank you," she said sincerely. Suddenly she remembered   
something. "Riley's back."  
  
Giles looked genuinely surprised. "When did he get back?"  
  
"Yesterday."  
  
"Did he say why he was back?"  
  
"Something about seeing to some 'old business.' But he   
wouldn't tell me anything else. You know the drill, anything   
government, it's classified."  
  
"His appearance seems to be a little convenient, doesn't it?"   
Giles asked.  
  
"You don't think it has to anything to do with Spike's chip,   
do you?" Buffy replied.   
  
"It's worth looking into, don't you think?"  
  
Buffy nodded, "I'll try to get weasel it outta him."  
  
The microwave went off. Buffy took the blood an went into   
the living room. She eased herself onto the couch beside   
Spike's sleeping form.  
  
"Time to wake up, Spike," she said quietly, knowing he would   
hear her, because, after all, he was a vampire and therefore   
had excellent hearing.  
  
His eyes opened and he smiled when he saw his angel before   
him. But, quickly, all too quickly, everything came rushing   
back. This chip, his migraines, his sudden paralysis. He   
couldn't move. He was an invalid. Memories or the time   
when he was wheelchair bound four years ago came back. He   
was on the verge of panic.  
  
"Buffy?" he asked, quietly, his questions and fears as plain   
as day on his face.  
  
"Shh. Eat first, then we'll talk," she said, helping him sit   
up and giving him his blood.  
  
He agreed without argument only because he was starving. The   
chip was zapping everything away.  
  
Once he was done, Buffy spoke, "Giles suggested that your   
chip and Riley's sudden reappearance are more than just   
coincidence. That Riley's here because of your chip. I'll   
figure it out."  
  
Spike nodded, not saying anything. His silence worried Buffy.  
  
"Spike, say something."  
  
"I want to be alone," he said, not looking at her.  
  
She knew it was ridiculous and he probably didn't mean   
anything by it, but he words hurt. Stung.  
  
"O-okay," she whispered as she left the room with his empty   
mug in hand.  
  
Once alone, Spike let his tears fall. He didn't want anyone,   
her especially, to see him weak. He wasn't suppose to cry.   
No him. Not the Big Bad. He hated feeling this way. He   
spent a century living a life with nothing to fear. And   
now... Now he was afraid of what? A chip. Nothing more   
than a piece of plastic and wires no bigger than a penny.   
He knew what the other vampires would do if they saw him now.   
They'd laugh menacingly before staking him.  
  
He felt ashamed. He was Spike, Master Vampire, Slayer of   
Slayers. He wasn't suppose to go out like this. Like a   
coward. A weak coward. He was suppose to go out fighting.   
Before, it was suppose to be the Slayer who was to take him   
out. Before he fell in love with her, that is. Now...now   
he was to go out fighting *for * the Slayer, instead of   
against her. He accepted this. Planned this. He wasn't   
suppose to be this sodding chip. Not this. Never this...  
  
  
  
Buffy entered the kitchen to see that Will, Tara, and Xander   
moved there. She assumed Anya and Giles left to tend to the   
magic shop. Buffy was the mug in the sink before the blood   
had a chance to dry.  
  
"How's he taking it?" Tara asked.  
  
"I don't know. He wouldn't talk to me; wanted to be alone,"   
Buffy said, looking at her friends. "He's not handling this   
well, obviously."  
  
"You're going to have to give Spike some time and space to   
deal," Xander said, "He spent a century dishing out the pain   
and suffering. Now, suddenly, he's on the other side of the   
spectrum. It's a lot to deal with. Combine that with the   
chance that he might not survive this... But if you ask me,   
he's handling it a lot better than I expected he would.   
Better than I would."  
  
"I think he's trying to put on an act. You know, be the Big   
Bad. I believe he's going to break soon," Buffy paused, "I   
just have to make sure I keep Riley away from him."  
  
"Riley?"  
  
"Oh, God. I can't believe I forgot to tell you guys."  
  
Buffy took a breath, ready to continue when there was a   
knock on the back door. She looked at the door, confused as   
to why someone would be at her back door instead of the front   
door like everyone else. She shrugged and went to answer it.  
  
A look of shock crossed her face when she saw who the knocker   
was.  
  
"What are you doing here, Riley?"  
  
End Part 4 


	5. Part 5

Part 5  
  
  
"What are you doing here, Riley?" Buffy asked, trying not to   
panic. All she could think about was how she couldn't let   
him see Spike.  
  
"I just wanted to see you. We never got the chance to finish   
our conversation last night," Riley answered, completely   
oblivious to Buffy's alarm.  
  
"But, uh, why didn't you call first?" Buffy asked, trying to   
deflect Riley's attempts to enter.  
  
He sighed. Now he could tell something was up. "Buffy,   
what's wrong?"  
  
"Wrong? Why do you think something's wrong?" she asked   
innocently.  
  
"Okay, now, I *know* something's wrong. Why won't you let   
me in?"   
  
She continued her 'little Miss Innocent' act, "Why do you   
think I won't let you in?"  
  
She stepped aside, proving herself, all the while praying   
her friends figured out what she was trying to do and set   
to making it happen.  
  
Satisfied, Riley entered. Buffy shut the door and saw that   
her friends were no longer in the kitchen and sent out a silent   
prayer of gratitude. They knew what she was trying to do.  
  
"So, what do you want to talk about?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well-"  
  
There was a loud thump and a man yelling 'Ow!' coming from   
the other room.  
  
"What was that?" Riley asked.  
  
"What was what?" Buffy asked innocently.  
  
Riley regarded her. He knew she knew very well what that   
noise was. He started for the living room but was blocked   
by Buffy standing in the doorway. Irritated by her actions,   
Riley pushed his way through.  
  
"Riley-" Buffy said, following him.  
  
The two of them entered the living room to find Xander,   
Will, and Tara sitting on the couch, previously occupied by   
Spike. They moved him upstairs. And for that Buffy was   
thankful.  
  
"Hey, it's Riley," Xander said, standing up and offering his   
hand to the man before him, "Long time, no see."  
  
Riley shook his hand. Behind him, Buffy mouthed the words   
'thank you.' Xander shrugged, 'no problem.'  
  
"How are you, man?" Xander asked Riley.  
  
"Fine," Riley answered. He was still suspicious of what   
he heard. He regarded the quartet of 'innocent' people.   
"You know what? I just remembered there's somewhere I need   
to be. We'll talk later. I'll be sure to call next time."   
He let himself out.  
  
Now he was gone, Buffy voiced her thanks to all three of   
them.  
  
"No problem. 'Cept Spike's a lot heavier than he looks.   
Nearly put out my back," Xander said jokingly, plopping   
down on the couch.  
  
Buffy allowed herself to smile a little before returning   
to business.  
  
"I think he's starting to get suspicions."  
  
Willow nodded, "Yeah, I got that vibe, too."  
  
"You think he knows about Spike?" Tara asked.  
  
"Well, I'm sure he knows about his chip, but I don't know   
if he knows Spike is here. I'm hoping he doesn't," Buffy   
said, pacing the room, "Because I really don't need to deal   
with that right now. I already have enough on my mind.   
Okay, somehow, I've got to figure out if Riley knows something   
about Spike's chip. You know, a way to stop it from killing   
him... reactivate it, remove it-"  
  
"Woah. Hang on, Buffy. Remove it? Have you gone insane?   
If we get it removed, he'll start killing again. Turn his   
back on us. Kill *us*," Xander exclaimed. He trusted Spike   
about as much as he could throw him.  
  
Buffy shook her head, looking at him, "I believe he won't."   
She shrugged, "'Sides, he knows that if he does, I'll stake   
him. For real."  
  
"How can you be so sure?"  
  
"Call it a feeling."  
  
  
  
Riley entered the motel room-turned-temporary-headquarters.   
In the middle of the room, or as close to the middle as they   
could get with the bed in their way, stood a table with maps   
and files, and what looked like surveillance pictures,   
surrounded by Graham and the major. Riley marched up to them.  
  
"Sir, it is not confirmed, but I believe I know whereabouts of   
Hostile 17," Riley informed the major.  
  
The major nodded, "Good. Now, I want you to take whatever   
action you deem necessary to give me a confirmation."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
  
  
Buffy quietly opened her bedroom door. On her bed, Spike   
laid. He looked like he was in dreamland. She moved to the   
bed and sat on the side opposite of him.  
  
"What is it, Slayer?"  
  
She jumped, "I thought you were sleeping."  
  
He turned his head to face her. His eyes were shining with   
tears he absolutely refused to allow to fall. She saw them.   
"Spike, what's wrong?" she asked, even though she knew damn   
well what was wrong. But she also knew Spike needed to let   
it all out.  
  
"What the bloody hell do you think it wrong?" Spike answered.   
Good, she thought, He's getting angry.  
  
Spike continued, "I have a bloody chip that's been shoved   
into my brain. Suddenly I can't be a vampire. And now,   
I'm going to die because of this damned chip. But before   
it kills me, it has to torture me and make me weak and   
pathetic and paralyzed. And everyone tries to tell me that   
everything is going to be fine, that I'm not going to die.   
But I know better. The only way is to take it out and we all   
know everyone would never dare do that because, after all,   
I'm a killer. An evil vampire without a soul who can't change.   
And I keep asking myself why every single one of you is helping   
me. None of you like me. Because I'm such an unlikable and   
unlovable *creature*. Because I'm a killer. Nothing but a   
killer. I think I know why you do what you do. You don't   
want the blood...or dust, in my case, of an helpless monster   
on your hands. Helping me makes you feel good...useful. I   
can't do this. I can't lie here and be waited on like some   
kind of wanker because everyone's feeling bad about this whole   
situation. Maybe I should go back to the crypt and die in   
peace. Where no one will see me like this..."  
  
During Spike's monologue, his tears that he wouldn't allow   
to fall did fall. And Buffy couldn't help but feel sadness   
and fear of losing him and anger at the men who did this to  
him. She couldn't stop herself from pulling him close to   
her and holding him. He feebly tried to stop her but he   
couldn't...he needed this. Of course, he wouldn't ever admit   
to anyone... Buffy found herself murmuring words of comfort   
to him despite his complaints a second ago about them. And   
Spike found himself leaning into her embrace. He also found   
himself struck by another jolt of electricity-sponsored pain.   
He squeezed his eyes shut and held onto Buffy tight. He knew   
she would be able to handle his tight clasp. He tried to not   
yell out in pain. He needed to prove that he was strong. But   
the pain proved to be too much. He let out a moan. Tears   
found themselves squeezing through his tightly closed lids.  
  
When the pain left him, he gasped out in a pained, tired voice,   
"I can't do this. I don't think I can do this."  
  
Buffy lifted his head to look at him in the eyes. "You are   
one of the strongest people I know. You *can* do this. You   
can make it through this." And she leaned and gave him a   
quick peck on the lips.  
  
He looked surprised. "Buffy?"  
  
She placed a finger on his lips, silencing him, "How many   
times have I told you that I *will* get to the bottom of this.   
Trust me. I'm not gonna let you die. I promise."  
  
He nodded silently and laid his head to her stomach. She   
held him as he fell asleep again. Well, Buff, now that   
you've promised...make it so..., she thought to herself as   
she ran her fingers through his blond locks.  
  
  
End Part 5  
  
TBC... 


	6. Part 6

Part 6   
  
Spike was dreaming. It was a dream he had almost every   
night. A dream he knew would never happen...  
  
It was day. The birds were singing. The wind was blowing   
gently, like a quiet whisper. He was in the park. He was   
with Buffy. They were together. Happy. And he was alive,   
human... Another thing that would never happen. He, a   
human, and Buffy, the woman he loved, were at the park,   
watching the children play. Like a normal couple. He   
desperately wanted this but would never in a million years   
let anyone know that. He'd rather drink holy water.  
  
Neither said anything. They just sat together on the park   
bench, holding hands. It was perfect.  
  
But the perfection was shattered. Pain laced through his   
body. Spike jerked awake. He gasped and grabbed his head.   
He felt someone run their hands through his hair. He opened   
his eyes. Buffy stayed. She stayed with him. When the pain   
disappeared, he looked at her. All the hatred and disgust he   
usually saw in her eyes were replaced with concern and   
something else he couldn't name. What was that? Love? But   
he knew that couldn't be it. Buffy could never love him.   
He was a monster. A thing.  
  
"How are you?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Peachy," he grimaced. His head was still hurting.  
  
Buffy glanced over at the window.  
  
"Hmm. Sun's setting. I should do a quick sweep."  
  
Spike nodded, moving off her.  
  
"Will you be alright?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, you go ahead. I'll be find."  
  
She nodded and headed for the door.  
  
"You stayed with me all day?" Spike asked, a touch of   
surprise in his voice.  
  
Buffy shrugged, "Yeah."  
  
"Thank you," Spike said, touched very deeply by her actions.   
Could it be? he asked himself.  
  
She smiled before slipping out the door. Spike watched her   
leave before settling back into the bed, alone. Alone with   
his thoughts. He sighed. Oh, what's a poor, dying, paraplegic   
vampire to do, he thought. He didn't quite fancy lying around,   
waiting for either Buffy to return or another attack to occur.   
He sighed again. And then he remembered. His journal. The   
one he asked Buffy to get him. Luckily, retrieving it didn't   
require getting out of the bed. Buffy was kind enough to place   
his things well within his reach.  
  
He held the well-worn leather-bound journal in his hands.   
It was as old as he was. Something that belonged to William   
all those years ago. Something William treasured. The last   
gift he received from his grandmother before she passed away.   
It was one of the few things that Spike kept with him when   
he became a vampire. William had used the journal to write   
down his thoughts and poetry. Just as Spike did now.   
Inside the journal, there was a century plus long gap between   
William's last entry and Spike's first. Spike, when he was   
newly vamped, was afraid to write in it. What would Angelus   
have done if he caught him? Though Spike would never admit   
it, he respected Angelus, even feared him at times. When   
Angelus became Angel and disappeared and after Darla left,   
Spike still didn't write in it. Why? He didn't know. He   
only began to write in it after he fell in love with Buffy.   
She revived the poet in him. She alone brought out William,   
the man Spike thought was lost forever. He was pleased to   
discover his poetry writing had improved with time. Might   
never win any literary awards, but not laughable anymore.  
  
So, Spike picked up his pen and let the words flow...  
  
*****  
A monster untamed  
So long ago  
Without remorse  
Without love  
  
A monster now tame  
By electric spider-webbing  
A monster now lost  
With nowhere to turn  
  
A monster in love  
With his mortal enemy  
A monster despised  
Treated with disdain  
  
A monster changed  
Though no one can see  
Past the monster  
Of yesteryear  
  
A monster dying  
Without salvation  
Without hope  
A monster in fear.  
  
  
Wow, I'm some peice of work, huh? A vampire who, instead of   
despising the White Hats, is helping them. A vampire who,   
instead of killing the Slayer, is loving her. And now I'm   
dying. Thanks to this little peice of technology the government   
was so eager to ram up my skull. And you know what the best   
part is? Before I'm dust, I get to enjoy all kinds of torture.   
Let's see, first there is the mind-splitting migraines. Now   
that's been joined by paralysis. Yep, William the Bloody can   
no longer walk...as if the first time wasn't bad enough.  
  
I hate this. I hate being so weak. I hate not being able   
to take care of myself. I hate the sympathetic looks I get   
from the Scoobies. Now that I'm dying, it seems I'm tolerable   
company. It hurts. It hurts to know that everything I've   
done over the last two years had been in vain. I guess they   
can't see past the monster, the demon.  
  
But what hurts the most is the way Buffy' s been acting   
towards me. Now that I'm dying she behaving as though she   
likes me. And I find myself playing the game of 'what-if.'   
What if she showed the interest she's showing me now before   
all this? How different would things be? What if I didn't   
stay in Sunnydale? Where would I be during all this? In   
some abandoned building, just waiting to die? What if I   
never got the chip in my brain? Would I just be some random   
pile of dust somewhere? Would I be in love with Buffy?   
Would I have killed her? What if I never came back to   
Sunnydale? Where would I be? Would I have my own assemblage   
of minions and together we plan massacres and the like? Oh,   
here's one: What if Dru never turned me into a vampire?  
  
I've thought about it. About what might have happened if I   
never went into that stable after being horribly rejected by   
Cecily. Would I have slowly picked up the tattered pieces of   
my heart and move on? What things would I have accomplished?   
Would I have finally gotten married to a woman I loved who   
returned that affection and would I have been a father? You   
know, I've always wanted kids. Loved them. Still do. But,   
now, that's out of the question. An impossibility. I wonder   
if I would have lived a long healthy life.  
  
But I can wonder and dream all I want. It won't change things.   
I'm dying. And I'm afraid. Yeah, that's right. I guess   
immortality does that. Make you terrified of death. I've   
lived 121 years without having to fear my death. And now,   
death's knocking on my door and I'm afraid to open that door.   
When I die, I'll never see Buffy again, or Niblet, or, hell,   
the Scoobies... I'll even miss Xander the whelp. I don't want   
to die.  
  
*****  
  
Spike put his pen and journal up just as the door opened.   
Dawn came in with a deck of cards in her hand.  
  
Spike smiled for her sake, "Hey, Lil' Bit."   
  
She sat on the bed, "Thought you might like some company."  
  
"You though right."  
  
Dawn smiled, "So, game of rummy?"  
  
  
  
Buffy surveyed the cemetery. No demons visible, but that   
didn't mean they weren't hiding. So she meandered through   
the sea of tombstones in plain view, beckoning the vampires   
and demons to come out and play with her deceitfully vulnerable   
and weak appearance. And it worked. No fewer than ten steps   
and she was faced with a group of four vampires. A walk in   
the park. She reached for her stake, hidden in the waistband   
of the back of her jeans.  
  
"Hey, guys," she said, pulling the stake out and letting its   
presence be known.  
  
"Slayer," one said.  
  
Buffy feigned disappointment, "Aww, you know who I am? Now   
you've spoiled the surprise." She shrugged, "Oh, well." She   
bounded at them, launching into a fury of punches and kicks.   
Three of the vamps were quickly staked and now it was one on   
one.  
  
The remaining vamp sneered, "This oughta be fun."  
  
Before Buffy could launch an attack against him, the vampire   
was tackled to the ground by an unknown person and staked.   
The unknown attacker stood up, revealing his identity.  
  
Buffy dropped her stake to her side, "What the *hell* are   
you doing?"  
  
Riley smiled, "I'm helping you."  
  
She sighed, "I don't need your help."  
  
"Do you always patrol alone?"  
  
Usually I'm with Spike, she thought, Okay, maybe it was more   
like he was following her around but who's really bothering   
with the details, right? "No. Not always."  
  
"But it's dangerous for you to patrol by yourself. You could   
get hurt or worse."  
  
God, does he ever give up? "Riley, I'm the Slayer. I don't   
need your or anyone else's protection."  
  
She started to walk off, but Riley stayed at her heels,   
earning an eye roll and a sigh.  
  
"I stopped by Spike's crypt earlier today. He wasn't there,"   
Riley stated.  
  
Buffy stopped walking and looked at him, "Why were you even   
at Spike's? Last I checked, you two weren't exactly buddy-  
buddy."  
  
Riley shrugged, "That's between him and me. So any ideas   
where he is?"  
  
Buffy shrugged, pretending not to care, "I don't know. I   
don't keep tabs on him. He's his own vamp; doesn't need   
anyone to look after him."  
  
"Buffy, where is he?"  
  
"Have you been listening? I don't know where he is. Don't   
care."  
  
"Buffy, you suck at lying."  
  
Her eyes widened, "Duck."  
  
"What?"  
  
She shoved him to the ground, "Duck." She rammed her stake   
into the heart of the unsuspecting vampire who was standing   
behind Riley. After that was done, she returned her attention   
to Riley, who was returning to his feet.   
  
"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go home now."  
  
She turned to go, but Riley grabbed her arm.  
  
"But we're not through talking," Riley insisted.  
  
She looked at his hand on her forearm then up to his face.   
Riley recognized that look she was giving him and quickly   
let go. "Sorry."  
  
Buffy sighed.  
  
Riley spoke, "Why won't you tell me where he is?"  
  
"What should I? So you can ram a stake up his chest, or   
what?"  
  
"Maybe. You can't seem to do it."  
  
Buffy glared at him, "A lot has changed since you went away,   
including Spike."  
  
"Oh, please. He's a vampire; he can't change."  
  
Buffy was tired of this, "Whatever. I'm leaving now. I'll   
see you later."  
  
She left and, this time, Riley didn't follow.  
  
  
  
Buffy unlocked the door and entered her house, dropping the   
keys on the little table near the door. No one greeted her.  
  
Hmm, Will and Tara must be out, she thought.  
  
She went upstairs to her bedroom. Spike was sitting up   
against the headboard asleep and Dawn had her head on his   
shoulder, also asleep. Buffy smiled at the sight before her   
and closed the door, letting the two rest. She went back   
downstairs and into the kitchen. Might as well get something   
to eat.  
  
End Part 6  
  
TBC... 


	7. Part 7

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this part up, but my computer  
decided it would be cool if it crashed. And, as luck would have  
it, I ended having to buy an entirely new system...  
  
  
Part 7  
  
Buffy sat on the sofa, watching the television, though she really   
wasn't paying attention. It was late and she knew she should go   
to bed, but she couldn't sleep. Her mind was in high gear. She   
was almost one hundred percent certain Riley was here because of   
Spike's terminating chip. His actions and behavior at the grave-  
yard screamed that to her. But, like Giles told her, she couldn't   
do anything until she had Riley's spoken confession. Perhaps it   
was time to call 'actress Buffy.' Tell Riley about Spike and his   
chip and pretend to be happy about it, although deep down inside,   
she was hurting as much as Spike was, maybe even worse. She could   
pretend. She did it before. With Spike. He believed she was   
indeed his beloved Buffybot until he felt her lips on his. So,   
yeah, she could pretend, act.   
  
She sighed. That wasn't her only problem, though. There was also   
the issue of her confused feelings for the vampire. Ask her one   
year ago how she felt about Spike and she would have said, without   
a doubt, she tolerated him at best. And about him dying? She simply   
would have shrugged and said, 'so?' But now, things were different.   
She now considered him, at least, a friend. And she feared his death.  
  
After she was resurrected, Spike was the only one who didn't hover   
and constantly ask if she was okay or if she needed anything. If   
she wasn't okay or if she did need something, he'd wait till she   
told him. And she did. She told him secrets she told no one else.   
She confided in him. She grew to like him, more than tolerate him.  
  
She never told him how much she appreciated the things he did. His   
valiant attempt to rescue Dawn from Doc. She knew he felt guilty   
for not being able to protect Dawn and, in the end, her. She knew   
he blamed himself. He probably thought she blamed him as well.   
She never did anything to prove otherwise, and she felt guilty for   
that. She wanted to let him know it wasn't his fault; she didn't   
blame him. No one blamed him.  
  
She never told him how much his staying in Sunnydale to keep his   
promise even after her death meant to her. He could have left   
them all in a figurative heartbeat and never look back. Because,   
after all, she was no longer around for him to try and impress.   
That said a lot about him. He was devoted to her and Dawn and   
his promise.   
  
She sighed again. She knew she loved him; was in love with him.   
She could no longer deny it to herself. But would she get the   
chance to tell Spike before he...?  
  
She couldn't think about it anymore. It was too much.  
  
  
Buffy was awaken by a noise in the kitchen. She sat up, realizing   
she fell asleep on the sofa. She sighed, rubbing her eyes, and   
went into the kitchen. Dawn, Will, and Tara were up. Tara was   
making pancakes for breakfast.  
  
Dawn looked up from her geometry homework, "Hey, Buffy."  
  
"Good morning," Buffy replied, sitting next to her sister.  
  
"How was patrol last night?" Will asked.  
  
"Oh, you know, same old, same old. 'Cept this time, Riley tried   
to play hero. Like I can't defend myself."  
  
Tara looked up from the stove, "Any ideas of if he knows about   
Spike?"  
  
Buffy shrugged, "I think he knows about the chip. Probably knows   
Spike's here, too."  
  
"How do you guess that?"  
  
"He said he stopped by Spike's crypt and didn't see him there.   
I tried pretending I didn't know where Spike was but I don't think   
I came off quite convincing."  
  
"Is this bad?" Dawn asked.  
  
"I don't know. I doubt Riley will come marching in with a stake,   
ready to dust him. I have a few ideas about how to be sure he   
knows and everything. I just have to work through it all." She   
got up and went to the refrigerator, pulling out a pack of blood   
and preparing it for Spike.  
  
Mug in hand, she looked at the girls, "How 'bout we set up a little   
Scooby meeting here tonight and we'll discuss this,"  
  
"Sure," Will nodded, "I'll tell Giles and Xander."  
  
Buffy nodded and went upstairs.  
  
  
Spike was rousing when she entered the room. He could smell the   
blood. He was starving. His mouth watered in anticipation.   
Buffy said down on the bed and handed him the mug.  
  
"How are you feeling?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, well, you know..." Spike whispered something so quiet she   
had to strain to hear it and even then, she couldn't entirely catch  
it.  
  
"What?" she asked, quietly.  
  
Spike sighed and said, louder, "Scared. I'm scared. Are you happy   
now? We finally found out what it takes to terrify William the Bloody.   
Apparently it involves a little plastic and tiny wires." He dropped   
his eyes to his lap, too ashamed of what he was feeling and maybe,   
deep down, he was waiting for the Slayer to burst into bouts of   
laughter.  
  
But she didn't. Spike ventured his eyes up. She was looking at   
him with such compassion and concern Spike was sure he was dreaming.   
The look she gave him only happened in his dreams.   
  
"Spike, why wouldn't you be scared? Of course, you're scared.   
You're facing something no one, no vampire, no man, has ever had   
to face. You're suppose to be immortal, never having to fear death,   
but, all of a sudden, you're staring at your own mortality in the   
face. You can't understand it. And therefore, you fear it. Spike,   
\it's a natural *human* reaction. It doesn't make you weak."  
  
Spike felt as if she had seen right through him. Tears pricked his  
eyes and he rested his head against her chest, listening to her   
mesmerizing heartbeat. Buffy wrapped her arms around him, kissing   
his forehead. Comforted, Spike let his tears fall. Buffy felt tears   
prick her eyes. She quickly pushed them back. She would not cry.   
She could not cry. She had to be strong. For Spike. She would cry   
later. Later when she was alone. Away from anyone who might see or   
hear her.  
  
  
Buffy settled on her couch, waiting for the Scooby meeting to begin.   
She just left Spike's side. His catharsis wore him out and he was   
once again sleeping like the dead. Buffy winced at the horribly pun.  
  
"Have you made any leeway in this Riley situation?" Giles asked.  
  
So, the meeting has begun. She shook her head, "Not really. But   
he's only made me more suspicious. I'm thinking of new and inventive   
ways to get him to 'fess up. I just need a little time."  
  
"Spike doesn't have the time."  
  
Buffy sighed, "I know. You don't have to remind me. Just let me   
sleep on a few ideas before the plan's set in stone, okay?"  
  
Giles nodded, sensing Buffy's anxiety and worry. "How is he?"  
  
"He's trying to be brave and be the Big Bad, but the truth is he's   
scared."  
  
"Well, that's understandable."  
  
"I guess. But he's not the only one scared."  
  
  
Spike was dreaming again. He did a lot more of that these days.   
But this dream was different than the rest. It wasn't the dream   
in the park. Hell, if you came down to it, it was more like a   
nightmare.  
  
He was in a room. A bright, white, bare room. He looked around,   
seeing nothing but a white expanse in all directions, wondering   
where he was.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" he asked no one in particular, since   
there was no one to ask.  
  
Suddenly the room changed. It was no longer the bright, white, bare   
room. It was now a dark, dense forest.  
  
"What the fu-" he saw someone or something up ahead. He chased   
after it. "Hey, wait up!"  
  
The moving blob stopped. Spike moved closer, realizing the blob was   
a human. The human turned to face him. It was Buffy. And she was   
smiling at him. Spike couldn't help but smile back. He moved closer   
but stopped a reasonable distance away. It was Buffy who closed the   
distance between them. She was so close he could feel the heat from   
her body seeping through her clothing. He ventured his eyes down to   
look at her face. She moved her face up and their lips touched.   
Though Spike was initially too shocked to do anything but let her   
kiss him, he quickly recovered and the two of them were kissing   
passionately.  
  
Buffy gasped and pulled away all too soon. Spike's eyes fell to the   
wooden stake protruding through her chest. His shocked, widened eyes   
met hers for the last time before she crumbled into a pile of dust,   
with her whispering her love for him. As the dust settled, Buffy's   
murderer was revealed. Drusilla.  
  
She smiled at her ex-lover. She put her finger to her lips in a   
shushing manner. "Shh. Naughty."  
  
Spike closed his eyes, hoping he'd be awake when he opened them.  
  
He wasn't. When he did open them, Dru had moved beside him and she   
was busy running her fingers through his bleach blond locks.  
  
"You say you're not a bad dog, but you are. But it's too late for   
you. The bad dog must be put down."  
  
"What?"  
  
Drusilla placed a hand over his eyes, "See."  
  
When she moved her hand away, Spike found himself back in London   
during the 1880s.   
  
"What the hell?" Spike looked around the room he was in. Seemed   
like he was in the middle of someone's wake. Whose? Spike cautiously   
approached the coffin in the room. He peered inside and almost   
jumped back in surprise. It was Spike. No, *William*.   
  
"It's strange, isn't it?"  
  
Spike looked at the woman who spoke. Cecily. Figures.  
  
"What's strange?"  
  
"To look in a coffin and see yourself laying there, sleeping the   
eternal sleep. But I guess you didn't do that, huh?"  
  
Spike shrugged nonchalantly. He wouldn't admit it to Cecily, but   
it was disturbing. Strange, indeed.  
  
"But you'll soon return to the eternal rest. Very soon." Cecily   
looked at him, "You want to know if anyone will miss you when you're   
gone, don't you?"  
  
"I never asked anything of that sort."  
  
Cecily shrugged, "You didn't have to. It's written on your face.   
Plain as day."  
  
Spike looked down at his feet, "Will they?"  
  
"I'm sorry. I don't have the answer to that question."  
  
Spike's eyes shot up, "Well, then, why did you bloody bring it up?"  
  
Cecily looked at him calmly, not at all surprised by his out burst.   
"All I can tell you is that your days are numbered. That is, unless   
someone does something to prevent it from happening. I can also tell   
you that you must get your words out to them. There's not much more   
time for that either."  
  
*****  
  
Spike woke in an instant. He normally didn't believe in the   
prophetic nature of dreams. But this one... *This* dream was unlike   
any other he had before. He knew the dream was telling him something.   
He knew deep down. Felt it in his gut. The dream told him he didn't   
have much longer. And possibly even less to get his last words out to   
Buffy. And the rest of the gang. He reached over to get his journal   
from the table next to the bed and began to write as quickly as he could.   
Before it was too late...  
  
  
End Part 7  
  
More A/N: That dream sequence didn't quite turn out like I was hoping.  
I had this really cool idea but I couldn't get it turn out right on  
paper... Anyhoo... 


	8. Part 8

Part 8  
  
Spike's timing had been perfectly executed. No sooner than when   
he placed the journal and pen down did Dawn come prancing in.   
They traded their usual greeting before Dawn launched into her   
story about how her day was. The chip didn't let the conversation   
get very far however. Ten minutes after Dawn entered the room,   
the chip sent out agonizing electric shocks that sent Spike's body   
into convulsions similar to those experienced in a seizure.   
Scared, Dawn screamed for her sister to come to Spike's aid.  
  
And she did. Along with the rest of the gang who were startled by   
Dawn's cry. Buffy climbed on the bed behind Spike and help his head   
until he settled down, unconscious.  
  
Giles took Dawn aside, "Dawn, what happened?"  
  
She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I don't know. We were   
talking and suddenly it was like he was having a seizure. He was   
perfectly fine."  
  
Giles nodded and turned to Buffy, who held Spike's head in her lap,   
brushing back his hair. "Buffy, whatever plan you have, I believe   
it's time to put it in action."  
  
"He's not going to wake up again, is he?" Willow verbalized Buffy's   
fear.  
  
Giles shrugged helplessly, "It's doubtful. But I don't know. I'm   
not an expert on the subject."  
  
Buffy looked at the bedside table and saw Spike's journal. It was   
left opened, flipped to a certain page. The top of the page is   
what caught her attention. In Spike's elegant, flowing, Victorian   
handwriting were the words 'Dearest Buffy.' She picked it up.  
  
Xander looked at her, "What is it, Buffy?"  
  
Buffy quickly glanced at him before returning her eyes to the   
journal. "Can you guys leave us alone for a while?"  
  
"Sure, Buffy. Whatever you want," Xander replied, still curious   
however, as he and the rest leave Buffy and Spike.  
  
Alone, Buffy concentrated on reading the entry Spike wrote for her.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
Dearest Buffy,  
  
I hope this gets into your hands, because I'm taking a gamble here   
writing all this here and not telling you vocally. But, honestly,   
I've never been good with vocalizing my emotions. I tend to write   
them down instead, so it seems only fitting for me to do so now.   
So...here we go...  
  
I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. I spoke   
those words to you, how long ago now, one year? They were true   
then just as they're true now. I know I've done horrible things   
in the past. I know I'm a killer. I know I cannot atone for my   
past deeds. And I don't claim to be doing so either. To do so   
would be pointless.  
  
I love you. You know that, where you accept it or not. I love   
you and I love Dawn. I know I'm a soulless vampire who shouldn't   
be able to love. I know probably don't want to hear...read this,  
but I loved Drusilla, worshipped the ground she walked on. But   
she never loved me. Wasn't able to, even if she wanted to. I see   
and accept that now. I've moved on. I know I'll never be able to   
earn your love. You told me once I was beneath you. And you were   
right. I am beneath you. I am unworthy of your love. I don't   
deserve the love you reserve for your sister and friends. And I'm   
not asking for it.  
  
I know I don't have much longer. I'm dying. And I feel my death   
drawing closer and closer. Though I'm scared, terrified, I've   
accepted it. Perhaps this is a sign from the Higher Powers telling   
me that it's time for me to leave this plane of existence. I've   
lived a long life, longer than most vampires. Maybe it's not so   
much my death I fear, but what lies beyond. I'll be condemned to   
some unknown hell dimension. I'll suffer eternal torment, something   
perhaps I deserve for everything I've done. Perhaps even that is   
not enough. But all I know is that I'll never see you or Dawn again.   
And that's something I cannot bear to think about...  
  
After rereading this, I realize this is goodbye letter of sorts,   
so I think I should let everyone know my last thoughts. Buffy,   
could you grant a dying mans his wish and pass these words along?  
  
Tell the whelp....sorry, I had to go there... Tell Xander that even   
though I gave him a hard time and acted like I hated him, I didn't.   
Hate him, that is. To be honest, I even liked him. Maybe even   
respected him a little. The boy's got guys. Brave. Resourceful.   
Reliable. That's more than most people.  
  
Anya - I always liked her. I liked her brutal honesty and   
straightforwardness. I like to think the two of us were on the   
same level with one another. We both had dark pasts and were trying   
to move beyond them. She's a great woman.  
  
Tara - I know we didn't talk much and what all, but she always   
listened to me when we did and was willing to give me the benefit   
of a doubt. Which is more than I deserved most of the time. But   
it touched me a lot. It truly did.  
  
Will - I know she'll become a great and powerful witch someday.   
Perhaps she is already there. But I hope she knows to be careful   
when messing with the black majiks. I'd hate to see a girl like   
her be consumed by power and darkness. But I do have high hopes   
that she won't. She is a smart girl after all.  
  
Rupert - I have respected the man. In a lot of ways, he reminded   
me of my father. Both were men of honor, dignity, and integrity.   
Both were intelligent beyond words. I know I always behaved   
differently than what I have just written, but it's true.  
  
Dawn - Like Giles, she reminded me of another important person in   
my life as William. My sister. Lizzy. It's quite funny...well,   
not really, but Dawn looks almost exactly like her, and I also called   
Lizzy 'Niblet' and 'Lil' Bit.' Maybe that's where I got those   
nicknames from... I love Dawn. I love her so much. I love her   
like my sister. You know, Lizzy was about the same age Dawn is   
now when Dru turned me. I know that's not of any importance and what   
not, but I just realized it is all...  
  
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, sure, at first, this all   
started as a promise I made to the Big Sis. Sure, Dawn and I have   
spend time together before, but that was different, you know? Over   
the summer we spent more and more time together and I really got to   
know her and I realized how much she really was like my little sis.   
And I grew to love her deeply like a sister.  
  
I want Dawn to know that I wasn't hanging with her or being nice to   
her simply as a tactic to get to you, Buffy. I'm not like that. I   
may be a vampire, but I don't do things like that. Dawn means more   
to me than that.  
  
Buffy - Most of what I needed to say I wrote down earlier, but I   
love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I don't know when exactly I fell   
in love; it just sort of happened. And you can't fight love, so I   
just let it happen. Dru knew I was in love with you before *I* did.   
She might have been insane, but she was insightful like that. (Yeah,   
I know, you probably didn't want to read more about, what would you   
call her, the crazy bitch?)   
  
Back in the day, when we were enemies, you were a most formidable   
opponent. I never in my hundred years plus years of living faced   
a more worthy warrior. Your prowess and strength cannot be matched   
by anyone. When you fight, you're amazing. Graceful. Beautiful.  
  
But enough of your warrior side, let's talk about your human side.   
Equally as beautiful. You are probably the most caring, loving   
person I've ever met. Your love for Dawn and the Scoobies is   
unwavering. Amazing. And your ability and capacity to care about   
a random face in a crowd or on the street - incredible. It does   
not matter the past or even present of the person, you care just   
the same.  
  
Buffy, this dying man has a couple more requests he hopes you'll   
grant. When I depart from the world, could you, at least, not   
flush my ashes down the loo? I'd like to think that I've earned   
more than that. Secondly, I don't care if you get rid of all my   
belongings, but, please, don't toss this journal in the trash. I   
want you to keep it. I've had it since I was eighteen - as a human.   
And it means a lot to me. Read it if you want. I don't care. And   
my final wish. When I'm gone, I'd like to know that you won't simply   
forget me. I don't want my passing to be a small little obstruction   
on the highway of life that you sidestep with ease. I think that's  
probably my biggest fear. I don't want to be forgotten so easily   
like when I was human. It would be too painful.  
  
Before I bring this letter to a close, there's one more thing I   
have to say. I know the only possible way for me to survive this   
is to have the chip removed. But I also know that the branch of   
government that's responsible for giving me this lovely piece of   
technology doesn't exist anymore. And even if they did, I know   
you and the Scoobies won't take the risk of having it removed   
because of the chance that I might become lethal again. But,   
for what it's worth, I wouldn't have. Attack people, that is.   
I haven't even thought about it in ages. But I also understand   
your perspective. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do the   
exact same.  
  
Love,  
William  
  
  
******  
  
  
Buffy wiped the freely flowing tears from her eyes. But that didn't   
stop more from coming. She was surprised by the depth of the vampire's   
words. She placed the journal aside and laid next to Spike's prone body.   
Cuddling up as close as she could to the unconscious form, she finally   
allowed her tears full reign.   
  
  
  
Graham entered the team's temporary headquarters with what looked   
like a briefcase in his hand.  
  
He held it up, "I got it."  
  
"Good," the major said, "Set it up on the table." He turned to   
Riley, "This here, Finn, is going to make it necessary for us to   
confirm your suspicions without having to intrude."  
  
"How exactly does it work, sir?" Riley asked.  
  
As the major walked up to the briefcase-turned-laptop, "We will   
be able to pinpoint the chip's precise location. No one will know   
we have done anything."  
  
The major turned the device on and quickly set to work. He was   
finished quickly. He pointed to the screen. "There."  
  
Riley looked over his superior's shoulder. The address showed   
1630 Revello Drive. Buffy's house.  
  
  
End Part 8  
  
  
  
A/N: I know my idea on how Riley finds out Spike's at Buffy's  
is kinda lame...but I just couldn't come up with another idea  
that would have fit...so just go with it.... 


	9. Part 9

Part 9  
  
Buffy opened her eyes. She had fallen asleep. She sat up and   
looked at Spike. Still unconscious. It seemed Giles was right;   
Spike wouldn't be waking up again. She remembered his journal and   
the letter he wrote to her. He wrote it with his impending death   
in mind. Spike had given up all hope of ever seeing through this   
alive. He was ready to die. Buffy quickly wiped the fresh tears   
that made their way down her cheeks. Spike might be prepared, but   
she wasn't. She was determined Spike wasn't going to die. Not if   
I can help it, she thought. No more of this tiptoeing around the   
situation with Riley. She knew he was back in Sunnydale only   
because of Spike's chip. What else could it be?   
  
Buffy continued to watch Spike's, was it sleeping body? He looked   
so peaceful and vulnerable, laying there, not moving even a little.   
She looked out the window. The sun had set. She had been asleep   
for a while. Buffy decided she needed to go patrol. She knew she   
would come across Riley if she did. And as much as she didn't want   
to talk or see him, she knew it was necessary if Spike was going to   
survive this. She bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his cool   
lips before going downstairs.  
  
When she entered the kitchen, she was immediately cornered by Will,   
Dawn, and Tara, all of who had questions they demanded answers to.  
  
"Is he awake?" Dawn asked.  
  
Buffy shook her head solemnly.   
  
"How can we be sure he's not already dead....er?" Will asked.  
  
"If he was, he would have turned to dust. You know, the way   
vampires do," Buffy methodically said.  
  
"Are you alright? We head you crying earlier," Tara asked.  
  
"I'm fine." Tara gave her a look. "Okay, maybe not really. I'm   
better. I've be even better once I save him."  
  
Tara nodded sympathetically.  
  
"I'm going to go patrol. Maybe I'll run into Riley. I really need   
to talk to him right now. See you guys later."  
  
  
Buffy twirled a stake in her hand absently. She really wasn't   
patrolling like she said she was going to do. She was mostly just   
walking around the cemetery. Oh, sure, if a vampire showed up,   
she'd dust him. Just patrolling wasn't the thing on her mind. She   
was really waiting for Riley to make his 'grand' appearance. She   
knew he would show up. It was just a matter of time.   
  
She paused when she came across a tombstone and sat down on it.   
She surveyed the area. Come out, come out, wherever you are, she   
thought. She sighed. Where is he? She so didn't want to be out   
in the graveyard tonight. She wanted to be where Spike was. She   
wanted to spend as much time as she could with him...even if he   
wasn't awake. That didn't matter to her. What mattered was that   
she was there for him in what could possibly be his last days.   
  
"Hey."  
  
Buffy jumped, startled. She spun around. Riley stood in front of   
her.  
  
"Sorry for scaring you," he said.  
  
"You didn't scare me," she replied, crossing her arms.  
  
"Sure. Okay."  
  
Buffy regarded him. His posture and behavior seemed to be different   
than last time she saw him. He looked...a little angry...maybe even   
hurt? But why?   
  
"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.  
  
"'What's wrong?' You've been lying to me. That's what's wrong,"   
Riley said.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"I know Spike's at your place."  
  
Buffy's body went rigid. How did he know? Was he spying on her?   
Snooping around when she wasn't paying attention? What?! But   
Buffy thought for a second. His knowing actually makes this easier...  
  
"Why didn't you tell me, Buffy?" he asked, hurt.  
  
"How did you find out? Were you spying on me?" Buffy solicited   
angrily.  
  
"The powers of technology. It's amazing what a simple laptop can   
do these days."  
  
"I see."   
  
"That's all you've got to say? 'I see?'"  
  
"What do you want me to say? Thanks for questioning me? Here,   
have Spike; do whatever you want with him?"  
  
"That'd be a start."  
  
She glared at him.  
  
Riley continued, "I don't understand why all of a sudden you're   
protecting him. Why? Last time I checked you hated him. And   
now...now you're liking like the two of you are lovers or something."  
  
"You have no right. You have no right to analyze my life. You   
left. And as I told you before, a lot has changed since you've   
been gone. And Spike's one of them."  
  
Riley shook his head angrily, "Have you forgotten? He's a vampire.   
Vampires don't change. They can't. They're evil."  
  
"If that's true, then why did Spike save my life when he did? If   
he's evil, why does he love me, a Slayer, his mortal enemy? That   
goes to show how much you know."  
  
"He still doesn't deserve your protection. Or the right to live."  
  
"Well, he's dying. He's dying thanks to you and your stupid secret   
government branch or whatever. And right now, he's probably never   
going to wake up again. So, are you happy? Spike'll be out of your   
hair soon."  
  
"It's already progress this far? This soon?" Riley asked quietly   
as though he was talking to himself.  
  
But Buffy's Slayer hearing caught every word he uttered. "I'm   
sorry. Have something you'd like to share with the rest of the   
class?"  
  
Riley shook his head.  
  
Buffy's rigid posture dissolved into a scared, almost vulnerable   
appearance. "How much longer does he have?" she asked quietly.  
  
Riley softened at her stance. "A day. Two at most."  
  
Buffy choked a sob. "Is there any way to help him?"  
  
Riley sighed. He couldn't believe he was about to tell her this.   
"Yes."  
  
Buffy released the breath she was holding. "How?"  
  
Riley looked down at the ground, "You have to take the chip out."  
  
"Can anyone do it?"  
  
Riley looked back at her, shocked that she would even consider that   
option. "Buffy. You can't take the chip out. He'll be a killer   
again."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No. He won't. He gave me his word."  
  
Riley gawked at her, "'His word.' So let me get this straight.   
You're willing to have the chip removed so he can be free again,   
but he won't kill again because he gave you his word. Since when   
did a vampire's word hold any weight?"  
  
"Since it was Spike."  
  
Riley sighed. There was no talking her out of it. She was   
determined to get that retched chip out of Spike's brain. But why?   
Of course. Riley could almost slap himself because of his blindness.   
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"  
  
Buffy hesitated before answering, "Yes."  
  
Riley felt as if something had died inside him. Sure, he suspected   
it, but to actually hear her say those words.... He felt betrayed   
somehow. Why? He didn't seriously think she'd be waiting for him  
with open arms when he came back, did he? Of course, you did, he   
chided himself.  
  
"I'm sorry, Riley. I really am. I didn't plan on it happening.   
It...just did."  
  
Riley nodded, "I know a doctor. One of the one's that use to work   
in the Initiative. He can take the chip out."  
  
"When can he do it?"  
  
"I'll have to call him first, but I think he'd be available tonight."  
  
"Thank you, Riley. Really."  
  
Riley nodded. Buffy gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Call me.   
When he's ready," she said before bounding for her house, feeling   
much more relaxed. Spike was going to make it through this. He   
was going to live.   
  
  
End Part 9  
  
A/N: YEA! Only one more part left to go. It should be up day   
after Christmas...assuming I don't suddenly come down a case of   
writer's block. 


	10. Part 10

Part 10  
  
Buffy sat on the bed looking at Spike's seemingly comatosed form.   
But not for much longer, she thought happily, just a few more hours.   
  
When she came into the house, the girls were all asking why she was   
smiling. She told the what Riley had told her. They, of course,   
were ecstatic, for all had taken a certain liking for the vampire,   
especially Dawn, who, as everyone knew, was particularly attached   
to him. They all quickly informed the rest of the Scoobies by phone.   
They all agreed to meet at the location once Buffy got the call.  
  
So now, all she could do was wait. She hated waiting. It was a   
waste of time. And time was something Spike didn't have much of.   
She shook her head. She would not think about that. Spike was   
going to make it. He had to. There was no 'but' about it. She   
looked at Spike then back at the phone she was waiting desperately   
to ring. She sighed and closed her eyes.  
  
  
She must of have dosed off. She was startled when the phone rang.   
She grabbed the receiver. "Yeah?"  
  
Riley's voice filtered through, "Okay, he's ready. We'll meet you   
at the emergency entrance of Sunnydale Memorial."  
  
"Got it. Thanks."  
  
They both hung up without saying goodbye. Buffy looked at Spike,   
"Well, Spike, let's go get that chip taken out."  
  
  
Buffy drove her mother's SUV into the driveway of the hospital.   
She couldn't help but wonder how Riley and the doctor manage to get   
an OR without raising suspicion among the rest of the doctors and   
nurses. But now wasn't the time to think about it.   
  
Riley and the doctor were waiting for them with a gurney. Buffy   
put the vehicle in park and exited the driver's seat. She then   
opened the back door and Will got out, trying to be careful not to   
jar Spike too much. Riley came up and together he and Buffy managed   
to get Spike out of the backseat and onto the gurney.  
  
Buffy turned to the doctor, "I want to thank you for doing this on   
such short notice, Dr..."  
  
"Stapp," the doctor supplied, "And, really, it's no big deal."  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
"Now, before we proceed, I feel I should warn you of the consequences."  
  
"What consequences?" Buffy asked, suddenly wondering if Spike was   
going to come out of this well and good at all  
  
"Because of the location of the chip, there is the possibility that   
Mr. Spike here will suffer some brain damage. How much? I'm not sure.   
There's even a chance that should something go wrong, he could be left   
a vegetable."  
  
No worse than he already is, she thought. "I understand the consequences,   
Dr. Stapp, but I think we should go on with the procedure."  
  
"Well, let's get started," Dr. Stapp said and Riley wordlessly pushed   
the occupied gurney behind the doctor with Buffy and Will following   
behind.  
  
  
Buffy paced the room restless. They've been waiting for nearly two   
hours. What could possibly be taking so long?  
  
"Buffy, could you please sit down or something, you're making me   
queasy," Xander said. He and the rest of the gang sans Tara and   
Dawn showed up shortly after Buffy, Will, and Spike did. Tara   
stayed behind with Dawn who had fallen asleep waiting for the call.   
Buffy just didn't have the heart to wake her. And Tara had been  
such a doll when she offered to stay.  
  
Buffy stopped pacing to look at her friend. She didn't quite   
understand why Xander was there anyway. He never liked Spike.   
Why would he care if he lived or died anyway? "Why are you here?"  
  
Xander looked confused, "Huh?"  
  
"Well, everyone knows you and Spike aren't exactly best of pals so   
I was just wondering why you were here."  
  
"Because you asked me to be."  
  
"If I asked you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"  
  
"Oh, don't go jumping off a cliff, Xander. I wouldn't want you to,"   
Anya interjected.  
  
Xander gave her a small smile before returning his attention to   
Buffy, "Okay, seriously? I don't like Spike enough to consider him   
a friend or anything, but I don't hate him enough to want him to die.   
He's not that bad when he's not being the cocky, egoistical vampire,   
which isn't that often."  
  
Buffy didn't get a chance to respond because Dr. Stapp entered the   
room. She immediately went to him.  
  
"Well, he did fine during the procedure. But if there's any damage,   
we won't know when and if he wakes up," the doctor said.  
  
"I need to see him."  
  
Stapp nodded, "I don't see anything wrong with that." And he led her   
to Spike.  
  
  
Spike was so still, laying there on the hospital. Buffy quietly sat   
down on the hard plastic chair next to the head of the bed. She reached   
for his hand and grasped it in hers.   
  
"Come on, Spike. You need to wake up. You have to wake up. Please."  
  
Nothing. Not that she was really expecting anything so soon after   
the operation. She studied the huge bandage on his head, Upon closer   
examination, she noticed that the doctor had to shave away a portion   
of his hair to get to his scalp. Buffy knew that when Spike woke up,   
he was going to be pissed off about that. But it would grow back soon.   
No big deal.  
  
She looked at their clasped hands. "Spike, I know you probably can't   
hear me or anything, but I need to tell you something. I've been   
afraid to tell you because I wasn't sure of it myself. But since this   
whole incident with the chip malfunctioning and everything, I realized   
what I thought I was feeling for you was true. I love you, Spike. I   
really do." She reached up and placed a small gentle kiss on his lips   
before settling back in the stiff chair.  
  
She felt his hand moved. She quickly looked up at his face, "Spike?"  
  
He groaned and opened his eyes. His eyes darted across the room,   
genuinely confused. "Okay, where the bloody hell am I?"  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Slayer?" Spike looked at her.  
  
She cracked into a smile and Spike couldn't help but smile back,   
"What are we smiling about?" he asked her.  
  
"You."  
  
"Really?"  
  
She nodded before resting her head next to his.  
  
"So...you really love me?"  
  
She laughed, "I didn't think you could hear me."  
  
Spike shrugged. Buffy gave him a kiss on the lips which he wasn't   
no time in deepening. After they had to pull away because of Buffy's   
necessity to breathe, Spike whispered, "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
He grinned and reached up to scratch his head. "What the hell   
happened to my hair?"   
  
Buffy laughed.  
  
  
Outside the room, looking through the window, stood Riley. Xander   
came up next to him.  
  
"So, if you hate Spike so much and love Buffy so much, why'd you do   
it? Why'd you help them?"Xander asked.  
  
Riley looked at the carpenter, "I know a lot's changed since I left.   
And it was kinda stupid of me thinking we could pick up right where   
we left off. I still love her so much. But, she doesn't love me.   
Maybe she did at some point, but not anymore. And I helped her with   
Spike because I wanted her to be happy. That's all. I'm just afraid   
to tell my superior what happened."  
  
Xander nodded. That was all he needed to hear.  
  
  
The End :)   
  
A/N: You didn't really think I was going to kill off Spike, did ya?  
Not my precious platinum baby. :) Anyway...I know the last couple of   
parts are a little rushed...or at least they seem that way to me. I  
guess I was in a hurry to get it finished before my family come down  
to finish...with twin toddlers...I would have never got time to write  
anything. So anyway here's my first long fic.   
  
I want to thank all of you who stuck with me til the end. :) You  
guys rock.   
  
Stay tuned for my next long fic. It's called 'Something Effulgent.'  
Spike is haunted by memories of his past life when an old familiar  
face shows up. Not sure when the prologue will be up though. (Kinda   
have to write it first... :)  
  
Oh, and finally, some shameless self-promotion. :) I just finished  
putting together a website (okay, it's not really finished; it's   
still under construction, but it finally has a few pages on it)   
Anyway, come check it out.   
http://www.geocities.com/my_favorite_marster 


End file.
